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Thursday, April 26, 2012

Am I ready?

Today at work my coworker asked me a question that I don't think when I can really ready to answer. She asked "how did your parents passed away?". If someone asked me where my parents are, my normal answers were either they r resting in Vietnam, give or take whatever they think because it is somewhat the truth. Or I would tell them the official truth that they passed away with a bit of smile on my face so they know that I am ok and hopefully they don't ask anymore question about the death of my parents. It has been 8 years, 1 month and 23 days since my mom left and 8 years and 22 days since daddy left my brother and I. I figure it is long enough to talk about it and not get super emotional about it. I answered my coworker her question with a bit of detail. The first 15 mins into the convo I was going strong. Then when it comes to how I feel about their death, I can feel my voice started shaking and emotions from sad, anger, regrets and everything else rushed through all at once. I couldn't answer her. I am now sitting in this cold room (literally) thinking to myself :am I ready to talk about my feeling? I know I had been bidding it for years. I know I am physically ready but am I mentally ready? The fact that I'm still counting the days since they passed away, i dont think im ready yet, at least not right now. Then again When will I be? Is it because of the guilt or the blame that is stopping me?